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Max Payne - Dir. John Moore (2008)

Wow…a video game movie that sucks. What. A. Fucking. Shock. Max Payne may not have been directed by Paul W.S. Anderson or Uwe Boll, but John Moore does nothing to distinguish himself from either hackmeister. Moore captures the atmosphere with a stylish, Sin City-esque setting, but lacks any emotional connection whatsoever. Perhaps, the film’s biggest downfall is the miscasting on nearly every level. Mark Wahlberg plugs into the stoic action roles well, but whose bright idea was it to cast Meg Griffin as a badass, Russian mafia assassin? Ludacris as an internal affairs investigator? Chris O’Donnell as…well, anybody?

The paper-thin story, cardboard characters, and goofy dialogue could have been forgiven if it weren’t for the fact that Max Payne is an action movie almost devoid of any action. The finale features some good shoot-em-up moments, but it’s too little, too late. An hour and a half of Mark Wahlberg talking to donkeys would have been infinitely more entertaining. ”Say ‘hi’ to your mother for me, all right?”

Max Payne only gets one and a half Mark Marks and likes it.

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